I've never been a journaler, but I envy those who can sit and write their thoughts out. I am thinking that they can get them organized better...?? I think I need to do that, so how do I get in the groove...perhaps using this blog?? I am going to try.
I had an amazing day, yesterday. Started a new journey of discovery in my life, with someone along side me to help "navigate" ~ ;) ~ the sometimes treacherous waters...you know who you are!
One challenge that has been placed before me is to write...ugh! Not my first thought, but I know the benefits. Who else out there finds it helpful to just write? Do you get to do it in a quiet space? I don't think I will be able to find that.
Seems that when I find a quiet room, my kids are magnetized to the beauty of it and they come and steal the quiet from me and I tend to explode. Can't I get a moment?? I try to sit and be peaceful and, within moments, I'm yelling at someone smaller than I, to leave me alone. What must they think? They just want to be with me...at least I think that's why. I'm pretty sure they love me and like being around me, but I don't understand why, when I am yelling at them to get away a lot of the time.
There it is...this thing called rage. Where does it come from? Why does it rear it's ugly head at the helpless around me; the ones I've been charged with protecting and teaching...THE ONES I'M SUPPOSED TO BE AN EXAMPLE OF CHRIST FOR?!?!
This will be my prayer today: Lord Jesus, the Almighty Creator, you knit me together...you know the pattern in which I was created. Please help me, mold me, break me and put me back right! Amen
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Friday, November 18, 2011
Digging Deep
Many, many times in my life, I've tried to look deep into who I am. What makes me tick? What are my secrets? How can I really be authentic?
What I have continued to find out is I'm looking in the wrong direction.
Colossians 3:3 says "For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God." Think about that for a minute. Read it again and again. "Your life is hidden with Christ." So, in order for me to look deeply into myself, I must seek out Christ!
How does this help me be authentic? Be honest? As I seek Him, He reveals me. WOW! I have found this to be so true recently, and some of the people that are close to me are noticing...I can think about things for so long, but it's when they start manifesting in my life that really matters. When what I seek reveals more of the mystery of me, I become my authentic self; who I was created by God to be.
What I have continued to find out is I'm looking in the wrong direction.
Colossians 3:3 says "For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God." Think about that for a minute. Read it again and again. "Your life is hidden with Christ." So, in order for me to look deeply into myself, I must seek out Christ!
How does this help me be authentic? Be honest? As I seek Him, He reveals me. WOW! I have found this to be so true recently, and some of the people that are close to me are noticing...I can think about things for so long, but it's when they start manifesting in my life that really matters. When what I seek reveals more of the mystery of me, I become my authentic self; who I was created by God to be.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
So...what happens when your perspective of yourself changes?
For my entire life, I have had the words of my Mother going through my head. "Oh, I can't eat that, I'm too fat," or "I need to lose weight," or "I hate my body!"
YUCK!!
I'm sure there are millions of women like me out there who have had a hatred of self ingrained in them by a parent, or loved one. Even if they never said anything directly about you, you still take on the words as your own, as if there must be something wrong with you, too.
Recently, within the month, I went to a training on eating disorders...which I've never thought myself to have...yes, I must be queen of denial :) and found out some NEW information on body type/size.
The fact is, as long as we are moving (not sedentary), making healthy choices about what we feed our bodies (including paying attention to how certain foods make you feel, and avoiding the ones that have adverse effects on how you feel physically or emotionally), there is nothing to worry about what number you hit when stepping on a scale. Unless, of course, the size of yourself prevents you from enjoying a "normal" life. If you're healthy, whatever size you land at is ok!
Also, this one was HUGE for me, learn to see yourself through God's eyes! He never looks at you with disgust, or apathy, He only looks at you with the greatest, deepest, most honest love. There is nothing we can be or do that would make Him love us any less or any more...His love is not based on who we are, but on who He is! God is love, and He's completely sold-out-head-over-heels-heart-pounding-madly-deeply-sloppy-wet-kiss in LOVE with you!!
YUCK!!
I'm sure there are millions of women like me out there who have had a hatred of self ingrained in them by a parent, or loved one. Even if they never said anything directly about you, you still take on the words as your own, as if there must be something wrong with you, too.
Recently, within the month, I went to a training on eating disorders...which I've never thought myself to have...yes, I must be queen of denial :) and found out some NEW information on body type/size.
The fact is, as long as we are moving (not sedentary), making healthy choices about what we feed our bodies (including paying attention to how certain foods make you feel, and avoiding the ones that have adverse effects on how you feel physically or emotionally), there is nothing to worry about what number you hit when stepping on a scale. Unless, of course, the size of yourself prevents you from enjoying a "normal" life. If you're healthy, whatever size you land at is ok!
Also, this one was HUGE for me, learn to see yourself through God's eyes! He never looks at you with disgust, or apathy, He only looks at you with the greatest, deepest, most honest love. There is nothing we can be or do that would make Him love us any less or any more...His love is not based on who we are, but on who He is! God is love, and He's completely sold-out-head-over-heels-heart-pounding-madly-deeply-sloppy-wet-kiss in LOVE with you!!
Friday, February 11, 2011
so... I've been on Zoloft since December, and feeling pretty good. Energy level is mostly up, and I no longer feel helpless.
As far as the weight loss thing, down 6#, but not feeling ready to commit to a whole new gig. Sounds dumb, I know...I want it, but I don't want it bad enough to change. What's up with that?!?! What's the tipping point, anyway (pardon the pun)? What is the last straw? What will give me the motivation to make some changes?
As far as the weight loss thing, down 6#, but not feeling ready to commit to a whole new gig. Sounds dumb, I know...I want it, but I don't want it bad enough to change. What's up with that?!?! What's the tipping point, anyway (pardon the pun)? What is the last straw? What will give me the motivation to make some changes?
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Mood Swings
sounds like something you do on a playground...not! I have no idea why, but for about half the month, I feel great, and the other half is the complete, 180 degree opposite. Not sure if it has to do with hormones, PMS or what, but I DO NOT LIKE IT, Sam I am!
I have a great life, I can't complain, but I seem to for about 2 weeks, then everything is fine. Ugh!
Well, my doctor and I are going to talk about it, to make sure it's nothing to do with the Pre-menopause I've been in for 5 years...lots of people praying for me, and nothing is changing, so I think the direction I'm lead to is blood work. Sometimes that gets messed up, either by God's design, or our own. There are horrible things available for us to do to and put in our bodies, and I have taken part!
I am pretty sure God does not want me hold up in my house, not willing to talk to or see anyone...He designed us to have relationships, we rely on them, we rely on our relationship with Him, and yes, he is all we need...He also gave us each other for a reason...physical touch, sight, smell, sound...using our senses together gives us a much deeper connection, a greater intimacy with our brethren.
I have a great life, I can't complain, but I seem to for about 2 weeks, then everything is fine. Ugh!
Well, my doctor and I are going to talk about it, to make sure it's nothing to do with the Pre-menopause I've been in for 5 years...lots of people praying for me, and nothing is changing, so I think the direction I'm lead to is blood work. Sometimes that gets messed up, either by God's design, or our own. There are horrible things available for us to do to and put in our bodies, and I have taken part!
I am pretty sure God does not want me hold up in my house, not willing to talk to or see anyone...He designed us to have relationships, we rely on them, we rely on our relationship with Him, and yes, he is all we need...He also gave us each other for a reason...physical touch, sight, smell, sound...using our senses together gives us a much deeper connection, a greater intimacy with our brethren.
Friday, November 12, 2010
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